she talks in her sleep and i tell her i love her.

i imagine her skin to be as soft as ever. 

her touch gentle and crafted. her breath rhythmic and patterned. and each day now i'm reminded that this beauty is what she's made of. 

and i just sit and watch from a far. it seems to be all i can do these days...these days from the other side of this rusty old chain link fence. and my fingers.... my fingers stretch through the diamonds of wire, hoping she'll be distracted by my white flag movements of surrender. 

she remains dancing, glowing with a lavender smile, her eyes are as far away as the summer atlantic. and as i watch, i find myself somewhat aware these days. i'm aware that i'm suffering from my own mistakes, my own weaknesses, and my own self-created lack of everything. 

i attempt to remain breathing, each breath feels as if it is my first today and it all seems a bit to late. a bit too off beat and a bit to much like a broken record. and she remains dancing. and i sit. she dances. and i dream. yep, i dream.

i dream of my old crafty ways that were once filled with rye and watered down rocks glasses lost somewhere in bed sheets that resemble the cloth of a once well crafted matador. old ways that were daring, raw and edgy. and as much as i feel those tainted red sheets could bring her back to me like the taming of a bull. i just sit here breathing... drawing plans in the dirt in this rusty old cage that i locked myself in. hoping that one day she'll dance back to the cage and let me out.

but my dreams begin to fade back to reality...each breath i take dives down a bit deeper and each exhale reminds me im a warm loving dragon and  finally  more than anything I realize its time for me to tear down this rusty old fence. tear down this heartless form of defense i've built my entire life. tear down these dead judgements and false assumptions and grab her by her soft textured warm loving hands, cup her waistline and dance with her right through everything that has ever scared us.

and as we dance off into our own reality, breathing as one.. our dreams will become the lining to our new fresh reality, our love standing true, strong and original.